A weed… “a plant considered undesirable in a particular situation, growing where it conflicts with human preferences, needs, or goals.“ -Wikipidia
That’s what I used to feel like. A weed. That dandelion so many want gone from their perfect grass. In my dark world, with so many around me… I felt very much alone. Caught in a cycle of life, blown here and there, not wanted by anyone and cursed, to repeat that cycle over and over.
You’re unloved, undesirable, no good, and not enough! I never felt like I belonged. Those are the lies I told myself over and over until they became my truths.
To cope with the self-inflicted pain, I ate. I isolated. Compounding the falsehood again and again. Caught in a cycle I could not stop. Then the allergy of craving took hold and I grew to well over 600lbs.
I wallowed in self-pity. A dishonest, self-seeking, fearful lifestyle that nearly destroyed me. I wore a mask, afraid that if anyone got too close, they too might hate me like I hated myself. There was no self love, only self-loathing.
What insanity I lived. And I stuffed every feeling, so as not to feel anything. The pain grew and I couldn’t stop it. Nothing sated the pain I felt.
They say that the food always gets worse. It sure does. It’s progressive and it IS a killer in mind, body and soul.
Thank God for the bottom of the bottoms where desperation broke through. Where, in honesty, I finally realized I am totally powerless and my life is unmanageable. The sunlight cracked through. I am a real compulsive eater, the delusion that I’d ever be a normal eater was smashed.
standing in love, confidence, courage and strength.”
When I learned how to live in the Steps, life changed for this dandelion. Living each day with the guidance of my Higher Power and clearing away any disturbances with the Steps. I have peace. That self-love I never experienced before, is now present. I love myself and the insanity around food is gone.
Like a veil, the fog lifted from my eyes to reveal how beautiful this dandelion really is. When I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding, life changed. In living in the Steps, I get to know myself, LOVE myself and finally be free to be me and bloom wherever I take root.
In a dark world, I can be alone but never alone, standing in love, confidence, courage and strength. I can be a ray of hope and light to others, spreading the seeds of a message that can help others. I repeat this cycle of life, of living and learning over and over daily, to gain spiritual growth that blesses me far more than words can ever tell.
Man, what a way to live.
Thank God feelings are not facts.
I am a beautiful dandelion full of love and purpose.
Submitted: Melanie B.
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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