Recently, while taking a couple of sponsees through Steps 1 to 3, I found myself reflecting on something simple yet profound: willingness. It struck me how central this principle is, not only in Step 6, where it is most obvious, but also in the earlier steps that lay the foundation for recovery.
In Step 2, willingness begins as a quiet opening. It is not about having certainty or even strong belief. It is about being willing to believe that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity. For many of us, this can feel like a stretch. We may come in with doubt, resistance, or even past wounds around spirituality. But Step 2 does not demand conviction. It simply invites willingness. A small crack in the door is enough.
In Step 3, willingness deepens into action. We make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Higher Power, however we understand it. Again, this does not require perfection. It does not mean we suddenly let go of all control. It means we are willing to try, willing to trust just a little more than before. There is a softening here, a shift from self reliance to something more spacious.
By the time we reach Step 6, willingness becomes more direct and often more challenging. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. This is where willingness meets honesty. Am I truly ready, or am I still holding on to certain behaviors, beliefs, or protections that feel too familiar to release?
For me, Step 6 has been a mirror. It asks not only for willingness, but for openness and honesty. I may say I want my character defects removed, but am I willing to let go of what they do for me? Am I willing to release control, pride, fear, or resentment, even when they feel like part of my identity?
There were times when I realized I was not willing to let go of a character defect because there was something “good” attached to it. I came to see that I had to be willing to let go of the entire spectrum of that behavior. Only then could my Higher Power return it to me in a balanced and healthy way.
For example, in my codependency, I experienced myself as generous, but there were often strings attached. The extreme of that behavior meant I could not say no. I would give beyond my capacity, placing myself in situations I did not truly want, just to be liked or accepted.
Today, my experience is different. I am able to say no and still be generous. The generosity comes from an authentic place, not from a need for approval or fear of rejection. I am no longer placing myself in positions that feel unsafe or misaligned, while still embracing the essence of generosity that feels true to me.
But this shift only became possible when I was willing to let go of the whole spectrum of that behavior. In that surrender, my Higher Power gave me back a grounded, balanced expression of generosity that I can practice today.
I have come to see that willingness is not a one time event. It is a practice. Some days I feel open, other days I notice resistance. And that is okay. The invitation is not to force change, but to stay willing, to keep showing up with honesty and openness.
Today, I do not need perfect faith or perfect readiness. I just need a little willingness and the honesty to see where I am. From there, my Higher Power does the rest.
Val B
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