“Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today…”
-Alcoholics Anonymous 3rd Edition page 417.
© 2026 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved
Ah, the bitter pill of acceptance. The times in life when things happen that I have no control over. The “Whys”, I just can’t fathom; in my human brain nor heart. The pain of loss is tumultuous. All because of the love I had for someone.
It doesn’t matter the length of time of that love. It has no measure.
As a human, the missing never goes away. Over time the pain eases but the heart never forgets because of that love.
Love never dies.
Thirty-Seven years ago, I picked my baby girl up and she was dead. That feeling of my heart coming up through my chest and nearly choking me is something burned in my memory. I will never forget. The moment her heart stopped changed mine forever.
Years later, I experienced another loss, that of my husband of 25 years. Loss is loss, each slightly different because of the love. The hopes and dreams you had, are gone; left in a void of not knowing how to deal with anything.
I wasn’t in OA during those times. I did continue in my compulsive eating because that was only way I knew how to deal with life. I am glad for the different way of living now with the 12 Steps.
Learning how to live life without someone you love is a part of the healing. I can remember writing down my memories; I didn’t want to forget. Writing was a wonderful tool in helping me heal. It still is today, because it gets things out of me, like my Step 4. The need to put things into perspective on paper and out of me, a necessity. There’s lots of healing in writing, even through snaught and tears.
Emotions are Ok for me to feel now. Tears are the words my heart cannot speak. A build up of emotions can kill this compulsive eater, so, I allow the feelings come, when they come, with acceptance. I realize what is at play, in a place of gentleness with myself. What is it that that I can do to change? Then I take whatever action is needed with an action plan.
Grief is full of many of my defects; dishonesty, selfishness, fear and so much more. A whole gamete of emotions. “no one understands what I feel!” “Nothing will ever change” “How can the say that?? You don’t know how I feel !!!”. It leads me into whirlwind of the extremes, that can either lead me down a rabbit hole of self pity and despair, dangerous for me if I stay there too long …or …in a flip of anger, that life is dealing me a rotten hand!! Life in the extremes with bubbling emotions. At times numbness; avoidance, shut down.
In helping start a bereavement group 37 years ago with other parents in my area who lost their children, it helped. Reaching out and connecting with others that have experienced the same was invaluable. A tool of which I have learned in my recovery with meetings. I go to meetings to share my experience to help another and in that process, it helps me.
In hearing of another person in pain due to loss & grief, memories come flooding back. It pulls at my heart that they too are experiencing that roller-coaster ride that I have travelled. My HP reminds me to reach out and share. Service another tool. HP turns beauty for ashes.
I am so grateful for this way of living. Working my Steps, using the tools of recovery; I know whatever life challenges I am faced with, I know I will be OK.
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today, even in times of grief and loss. With the Steps and my tools of recovery, I take it one day at a time.
– Melanie B
©2026 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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