Promise Ten: “Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.”
(The Promises are from pages 83-84 of the Big Book and
cover the promises of what will happen when we
diligently work the 12 Steps. Often called 9th Step promises)
Hi My name is Melanie. I am a compulsive overeater with 173 days abstinence with a 65lb weight loss.
Fear of people, well now. That’s a mouthful. I can remember the fear I carried of people. Bullies, those in authority, teachers, doctors, any professional people basically and especially my Dad. I felt so unworthy, unloved and less than. I felt very intimidated. All through the years I wouldn’t say crap if it was in my mouth; I was very quiet. I can hear my sponsor say, “What? You? I find that hard to believe!!”.
I can remember me the fat girl in school going from one class to the next not saying boo. I lived in fear of people. What do I say? What if I am wrong, Am I smart enough?
In grade one I can remember being so afraid of the teacher, I would pee my pants. I can still feel the warmth of my leotards as I sat wet with a puddle around me. I was so afraid of my teacher. The shame I felt when sitting there amongst my classmates. Then to be sent home with a note for my parents to do something with me for I was taking the varnish off the floors. I was very afraid.
I grew up seeing what I thought was anger but I know now, it was display of anger that my Dad did not know how to handle. He reacted, drank and in rage showed bad behavior. In seeing that, I never wanted to be angry, and I stuffed any anger. Would what I say be right? Would someone get mad? Bad things happen. I don’t want to be a part of that. I developed codependent behaviours looking for love and acceptance from outside myself. I found any subject in school with any kind of public speaking, very painful.
In fear, I ate. That was my way to cope, in a world I didn’t
know how to live. I lived in fear.
As I sit and type this, I sit amazed. Where is that girl?
Just the other day in hearing my sister in law speak of the fear she had of her brother being near. I told her it’s OK, come on down, everything will be fine, nothing will happen and if it does, I can be your buffer, I have no worries of what he does or says. I immediately thought wow…who is this person? I too used to isolate and keep my distance, but nothing fazes me.
In knowing my son and I have to move soon and the uncertainly of it all and knowing in 2 weeks we shall be moving…. this only knowing a week ago… I sit OK with it!! Like what?? I have a calming sense everything will be OK.
There has been only one time that I felt anxiety build in my body and I stopped and did a 4th step… “ok Melanie…that’s anxiety, I recognize that… I am afraid… what am I afraid of?… hmm the uncertainty of tomorrow. WOW ok HP. I need you to take that fear and rely on you… it is only gunna get in the way…” immediately the anxiety left. What a way to live! Just amazes me.
“and of economic insecurity will leave us. “Well hey… there I am going to be moving. An older home in which I neglected for years because money went to food, and now being on a fixed income making 11000 a year, I just cannot afford to sink any more money in, to do the numerous repairs; the floors are in desperate shape where at any time my son or I could fall through. Somehow a peace came over me…never once thought of food… like what??? Where is Melanie??? When I heard my brother’s assessment of the floor, I knew we had to walk away and I cried out to my HP, Father I would love to get an apt like “xxxx’s” it’s so perfect but there are none available so you will have to show me where to go.
My son who has Asperger’s, I really had a time in helping get him ready for that change. So, I took action, we did spreadsheets together so we could learn about spending. I am a compulsive buyer as well. So, this helped teach us both to see where our money was going …very revealing.
Spending has really tightened up and I am actually saving money. I am also getting my teeth fixed after 47 years of neglect!!! LIFE is GOOD even amidst chaos! All these expenses going on and, in the midst, feeling ok… OK?? where is that old Melanie??? We also looked at different ads for apt etc…. nothing fit. We have a cat. So, we thought well maybe we could live as long as we could here …perhaps for the winter and save.
“This is such an AMAZING way to live. I am s grateful for this 12-step life. 3 months later, in seeing “xxxx”, she tells me that there was an apt next to her available the middle of this month…. that it was a mirror image like hers. I sat with my mouth open in amazement. My HP supplied an apt…. he wants us out. I knew the floors were getting worse and wondered if we should get out before the snow flies. I guess my HP showed me!!! This is such an AMAZING way to live. I am s grateful for this 12-step life.
Promise Ten: “Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.” …. Well that promise has definitely come true for me and I am so ever grateful. I know everything is fine and will be fine when I stay connected and rely on my HP for EVERYTHING in my life. WHAT a WAY TO LIVE!!!
My program works when I work it and I am worth it and so are you
-Melanie B., Truro
SOURCE: Overeaters Anonymous Maritimes Intergroup OAIGNS Newsletter November 2019
©2026 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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