My sponsor asked me to write on these two questions:
- “How powerless were you in your active addiction?” I thought I had the power to choose. To
choose how much to eat, to choose what to eat, and when, and how to burn it off. I thought I just
needed more power (willpower) and that was my only problem. I was fighting as hard as I could
but it wasn’t hard enough and I was completely exhausted in every way: mentally, emotionally,
physically, and spiritually.
- “How powerless are you today?” I am just as powerless today as I am every day. I now understand that powerlessness is an opening up, a letting go of the fight and the struggle. By saying I am powerless, I am remembering that I am a conduit for the energy and force of the universe, which is love. My own human, imperfect, addict self gets in the way of the universe’s energy and starts messing with the food if I don’t remember that I am powerless. Willpower is the opposite of god. When I am powerless and I am open to that energy taking care of me, I don’t need the food or the food behaviors at all. When they are calling, it’s because I’m fighting something all on my own and I need to open up by being powerless.