Making an amends list starts the process of forgiveness. It opens doorways in one’s heart to see their faults as well as a deeper insight to relationships in which they are involved. Because we become willing to make amends to the people we have harmed, it allows us to free ourselves from guilt.
Nevertheless, Step Eight does not actually mean that every person on the list will reach Step Nine. When we get honest, we may see more harm than good when it comes to opening wounds of the past. In some relationships it is simply wise to “let the dog lie”, so to say, and “not reopen a can of worms”.
We’re not perfect, nor are the people whom we want to apologize to. It is a simple fact that certain relationships may not have an open, gentle, forgiving heart for us to bond. When one becomes vulnerable instead of falling into grace, the person receiving amends may see an opportunity to attack. When one is most vulnerable, the risk of being a target is real. Unfortunately, this truth is basic human nature. Although we become willing to embrace empathy—plus seek forgiveness in Step Eight—the journey needs to remain spiritually healthy for us.
A simple act of humility which I’ve found is to write letters and physically go through the process of mailing them to a fantasy address—or possibly place them in a river, or even set the papers on fire to release the tension of the guilt without opening the pathway for your wounds to go under attack. This form of anonymous behavior is not lost on or unnoticed by your Higher Power. You could also reveal the letter(s) to your sponsor or to another healthy relationship, like another person in the group or a friend, priest, or even a counselor.
Either way, the goal is to free your own soul, not to volunteer to an emotional assault and/or battery. See this reality as a moment for your spirit to grow and prosper into a better emotional space, and become sweeter within your aura.
– Tony
Source: OACFI New Beginnings Newsletter August 2024
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