Interview with Renee – Chair of OA Foot Steps – Experience, Strength & Hope Newsletter

Renee is the Chair of OA Foot Steps, World Service delegate of the Unity with Diversity Committee, and is on the committees of Meetings, Bylaws, Twelve Steps Within (TSW) & Security.

Q: What is your journey with Food?

A: It started when I was a little kid, but it didn’t get out of hand until I was much older. I was raised as an only child as my brother was living with my dad, and I lived with my mom and step dad. My step siblings were not living with us. I grew up in a physical and emotional abusive home. When I was 8 or 9 years old, I used to always go and play over with my next door neighbors. When they moved, I had nothing. I remember looking for food, cookies for comfort because I was lonely and sad. The compulsion started back then, but my weight did not get out of control until later in life.

I went to OA around 1995, so I could lose weight. I didn’t understand the compulsion. I stayed 4-5 months. I got a sponsor, did not really participate, and left after step 4. I would go to physical meetings, and just sit on the outskirts with severe social anxiety. I went back in 2005, to lose weight again. Same story. Got a sponsor, did not get involved, did not make friends, and I left again. There was nothing keeping me there. In 2016, I tried again with the 12 steps for COEs. All text based meetings. Was there about 6 months. I felt more comfortable because people couldn’t see me. I got a sponsor, but I was not admitting to myself that I was a compulsive eater (CE), eventhough all of the signs were there -Like going to food for comfort, etc… I would say I’m Renee, without the compulsive overeater part. I felt like a liar and a fake, so I left again.

Then, I seriously damaged my body with food from 2016 -2020. I could no longer deny that I was absolutely a 100% CE. It is a fact, but I wasn’t ready to go back yet.

In 2020, my oldest daughter was in rehab for drugs and alcohol and had asked me to find meetings for her, for when she got out. So, I did. She was home for 3 or 4 days and I kept asking her, are you going to go to meetings? When? did you go? She kept putting it off, and always had an excuse. I remember sitting on my bed, 5ft tall with my ventilator on, because I couldn’t breathe, and feeling so disgusted with her. Why isn’t she doing what she is supposed to be doing? I remember saying, out loud to myself, “Frankie what are you doing! what are you doing?” At that moment, I heard a voice talking back. “Renee, what are YOU doing!!”. I had this moment – I started crying. What am I doing? I was waiting to die. I was eating myself to death. I was literally thinking that every day was going to be my last. I grabbed my phone and I looked up OA. I was at a meeting 2 days before thanksgiving 2020, and I have been going ever since.

What brought me there was fear that I was going to die. And I decided that I did not want to die anymore – I wanted to live. I had to have my BiPAP (non-invasive ventilator) everywhere I went and was dependent on its batteries. I was just existing. Not living. When my batteries were dead, I was in trouble.

I knew I had to do something completely different this time around. I knew this program was going to save my life. I knew that this is where I needed to be, but just did not know what it was going to look like. I quickly got a sponsor and asked her to tell me what to do. I was so willing. I had this ventilator mask on, and I did not want to go on camera. I was scared to death, but I did it. She told that if I wanted to break through this program, I needed to find something that would keep me here. And the biggest way to do that, was to give service. Honestly, that scared me to death. I can’t do a lot of things, and did not think I could do anything. She told me that there were lots of things I could do. At the time, I was going to a women’s meeting and that day they needed a newcomer reader. I had no idea what I was doing, but I did it. I learned how to do service. It gave me confidence. Not long after that I became an Intergroup rep. Then I met Renee H, the Intergroup chair, at the time, and she introduced me to Intergroup service. I became secretary and then when she stepped down, I became the Chair. It has kept me here. It motivated me to do better. It made me dig deeper in my program. To reach out to others and to show people that they could do it, like someone told me I could. Ultimately, that kept me abstinent and motivated. It kept me in these rooms, because I don’t know what I would have done without that.

Q: What made you decide to become the chair?

A: The secretary of the IG stepped away and I took that position on a temporary basis. They waived the abstinent requirement for me, and 2 months later I had enough abstinence. 6 months later, the Chair stepped down and I prayed about it. What should I do? Both Alix and Renee H encouraged me, and made me believe in myself. I thought -Why not? I will give it a try. I felt so good in my program, and I love this Intergroup so much. Maybe I could give back a little of what I had received. It was scary, and I felt I did not know what I was doing and still, half the time, feel like I don’t know what I am doing. Also, I have such a great support team that I feel like I can’t do wrong. I feel like my HP has led me to do these things.

I did not use to listen as I wasn’t sure if I was hearing my own voice or God’s voice. I did a lot of 2 way prayer meetings, and I learned to differentiate between my ego, my own voice, and my HP. God has been pushing me to do these things, and it has kept me here. I had nothing -I didn’t work, and my kids are grown. My husband and I raised my grandson but now 19 years old, he was also grown. I had nothing, and had no reason to get out of bed, and my health was terrible. This was brought into my life and has literally given me a reason to get up in the morning. This is what I do. I have been retired for 10 years. This was brought into my life when I needed it. I am following my HP’s Voice, and this is where it led me.

Q: What was the most difficult part of this journey?

A: There are two things:

Asking for help and letting people help me. I have old thoughts in my head that “she is disabled, she can’t do anything”. So, I think people will think that, so I can’t ask for help. It’s still not easy, but I have learned to do that.

I can’t physically cook or make my meals. I depend on others. I have had to learn to compromise with my husband. He is willing to do anything I want or need, but I had to learn to compromise on some things for peace and harmony in the house. I felt that it wasn’t perfect, so I questioned my abstinence. My sponsors have always assured me that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. So, letting go of that control, and letting him be part of those decision has been hard for me. I had to find a balance. It’s not going to be perfect, and it’s ok. I learned to let go of control.

Q: What keeps you going after 4 years of service?

A: I get the motivation to help myself, but I can also help others. Helping others is really important to me. Give back what OA has so freely given to me. It strengthens my recovery and helps others.

Q: What inspires you about people?

A: I love seeing people grow in this program. So shy and so unsure of themselves, and then I tell them that they can do it, and watch them blossom. Just watching them do so well. Watching them using the steps, and push through the adversity and challenges, and not give up. Ultimately, becoming stronger because of it.

Q: What is your favorite meeting?

A: Spirituality 2 way prayer meeting, because I have learned so much about my HP and how to communicate with it. I also started the 7 meeting series, the night owls & love them.

Q: What is the most satisfying part of the Intergroup for you today?

A: I love watching when I am part of a committee, like Twelve Steps Within, and someone brings an idea, and everyone jumps in and helps make it happen. Right now, we have the 12 steps study. Someone brought that idea, and the committee worked though the logistics of it, and now we have facilitated 100’s of people to attend those. We have done 4 or 5 of those. To watch an idea flourish into reality for the members is the most satisfying.

Q: How has service helped your recovery?

A: I believe that my service and recovery are definitely linked. Service strengthens my recovery. When I have low moments, my service has kept me going when I may not have otherwise.

Q: What is one thing, one action you would recommend today to a struggling Compulsive Eater?

A: One action, I would recommend is create a realistic food plan, talk to a sponsor, and find someone you can be accountable to, like a sponsor or recovery partner.

Q: How do you cultivate Self-love, the topic of this issue?

A: I didn’t like myself at all. I felt like I was a big giant burden to my family. I don’t feel that way anymore. I have things to contribute to my family, and to this world. In a way, that is self love. I don’t feel like I’m worthless anymore. I know my worth. I know that I have a HP that loves me. I have things that I love to do. Like listening to my favorite music artist, Taylor Swift, and that makes me happy. I like spending time with people that make me happy. Like my grandkids. To show love to myself is to get up, visit people I love, and participate in my life. Be just kind to myself, my thoughts which is very different than the way I used to talk to myself.

Q: Any final thoughts?

A: What would I say to anybody that isn’t sure is- Just keep coming back. Show up to meetings. Don’t give up before the miracle happens. Because it will happen. Sometimes it takes longer than others, but it will happen.

Did you enjoy this article? We would encourage our members to use this post, and others like it, at their meetings, or for private reflection. We also encourage you to share this post to other fellows to help the compulsive eater who still suffers. Please let us know if you have an idea for an article or an upcoming theme, or have any questions or suggestions. Email our editorial staff at [email protected].

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