Autonomy—this word carries a lot of weight for me. It’s not just a concept; it’s a personal journey, a lesson learned through experience, struggle, and growth. When I reflect on my life, I realize that I was never truly autonomous. If I’m being honest with myself, I was always dependent—on a man, on food, on people, or on anything or anyone who would come my way and provide me with a sense of security.
For a long time, I thought independence was the answer. I believed that if I could just stand completely on my own—financially, emotionally, and physically—I would finally be free. And in many ways, I did find that independence through my own journey with the help of the fellowships while developing self-love. I learned how to support myself, how to be emotionally self-sufficient, how to be free from control and, just as importantly, how to stop trying to control others. That was my first real taste of what I thought autonomy meant.
But I soon realized that absolute independence is isolating. In my pursuit of autonomy, I had shut myself off from the very thing that makes life meaningful—connection. What I really needed wasn’t just independence, but interdependence: the ability to rely on others in a healthy, reciprocal way while maintaining my own sense of self.
Interdependence didn’t mean going back to my old ways of dependency. It meant learning to ask for help without losing my sense of autonomy. It meant surrounding myself with people who uplifted me, not people I used as crutches. It meant embracing the give-and-take of relationships, where support flows in both directions rather than being a one-sided reliance.
I won’t pretend I have it all figured out. I still sometimes lean too far toward autonomy, trying to handle everything on my own. But I’ve come to understand that true autonomy isn’t about doing life alone—it’s about finding the right balance between standing strong and leaning on others when needed. It’s a lesson I’m still learning, one step at a time.
-Val B
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