STEP 8-Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
I used to over-complicate the first part of the Eighth Step. In making the list called for in Step 8, I can simply use my 4th Step inventory to determine the names, places, and institutions to whom I need to make amends. My first sponsor told me to always hold onto my 4th Step inventory until Step 8, and I share this suggestion with the people I sponsor.
The second part of Step 8 is the spiritual challenge. I am asked to become willing to make amends to ALL the people on my list, even the ones whom I haven’t yet forgiven for their transgressions. I became stuck on Step 8 several times until I realized that I only have to be willing to make sincere amends for MY part of the conflict or unhappiness in a relationship.
I had not totally forgiven someone on my Step 8 list and I began to doubt whether I would ever be willing to make amends to them. However, I became aware that my resistance could have dire consequences for my continued recovery. In prayer and in discussions with a sponsor and OA buddies, I realized that I was becoming willing to make amends for my part in our problems. “If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes”(AA Big Book, 3rd edition, p.76). Forgiveness was not necessary for me at this point; I was willing to “clean up my side of the street”. This action helped me to begin a process that ultimately resulted in my ability to forgive the other person.
The 12 Steps work when I work them!
Neill M.
Region 8 Twelfth Step Within Committee
SOURCE: Piedmont Intergroup Blog
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