When I heard Step Two read aloud at meetings, it used to bother me. “Restored to sanity?” I thought disbelievingly. “I can’t point to a time when I ever was sane! What sanity is there to restore me to?”
Indeed, I behaved very insanely before I came into program, which was ten years ago when I was 13 pounds (6 kg) heavier than I am now. I used to sneak food and hide wrappers; plan to eat just one, but finish the whole box; and bring home several days’ worth of binge food and eat it all in front of the TV at one sitting.
Also insane were the mental games I’d play. I’d fixate on food at every party and ignore the people attending. I’d deny myself “bad” food for a while, trying to feel “pure.” Then I’d throw self-control out the window and dive in. When I was angry, sad, or upset, I’d drown the feelings in food before I ever had a chance to feel them.
Once I entered OA and started working the Steps, I was sure I didn’t want to be restored to that state. So how could I work Step Two?
Then I remembered another meaning of “restore.” I have friends who bought a house over a hundred years old, and they set about restoring it. Not only did they fix broken stairs and replace missing roof shakes, they did more. They pored over books and catalogs to understand how their house might have been intended to look when it was designed.
They researched paint colors and molding trims. They scoured antique sales to find just the right furniture to go inside. They lovingly hung curtains and found linens to match. They didn’t care whether their house originally had those things; they wanted to make it the best it could be.
This is how God is restoring me. God is not just fixing what’s broken, but lovingly giving me all the comforts and beauty he wanted me to have all along. I’m being restored to a much better state than I’ve ever been before.
— Joan P.
Source: OA Lifeline
©2016 Overeaters Anonymous, Inc. All rights reserved
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