Today was a tough day. In fact it’s been a tough couple of weeks working in a climate of animosity in a service/work situation. Today was harder than most during a meeting with a team member rolling their eyes when I spoke, scoffing at my feelings in an attempt to shut me down – to stop sharing my feelings about the issue.
It became harder still to have to talk about it with my sponsor. Normally, I might just take these kinds of things on the chin and keep on trucking along… But program has taught me that there are other ways to navigate difficult situations. Today, first and foremost, I had to admit how triggered I was by the situation. How hurt I was… Or, more importantly… How powerless I felt.
My sponsor asked me: “What are you going to do differently?” – I admit, the question caught me a little off guard. In my mind, I think a little voice said rather indignantly, at first: “What do you mean? Can’t I just wallow in my self-pity?”. I didn’t quite know how to answer her at that moment, but thankfully, her words sat with me, and as I mulled them over… My inner voice started to speak a very different language.
I realized, I knew exactly what I was going to do about it! I was going to hold that little-girl-within me tighter than ever before, so that she feels safe and loved… So that she knows I will never abandon her, or be one of those who won’t let her speak, won’t allow her to feel her feelings, or hurt or abuse her in any way. I will be the mom that I deserved, the best friend I never had, the sister I always wanted, the partner I always yearned for, the soul friend to fulfill me in ways that she has never known before… This little girl, terrified and afraid, hidden within me, deserves exactly that kind of love and acceptance. Even more importantly, I will let my Higher Power embrace her dearly and hold her close as I take the next few steps through these feelings… To do for me what I can not do for myself.
And, then I am going to make a searching and fearless inventory of this situation, of myself and my part in this. My fears, my resentments and the harms I have caused. I can see how my own need to be right, to be in control has made others feel badly around me. My complaining when things don’t go the way I want them to, has been demoralizing and hurtful. My choice of words have been passive aggressive and unkind to others who are doing the best they can.
Not only am I willing to admit to my Higher Power, myself, and another human being – I am committed to submitting this writing to a newsletter, to share the exact nature of my wrongs that contributed to this situation!
This next part doesn’t require any action on my part other than being willing to allow my Higher Power to remove these defects of character, and then I simply ask that this be done. With a loving heart, free from these negative feelings, I must look closely at those I have harmed because of my shortcomings and determine how best to make amends to them all.
#1 – I can see how they were trying to protect me from myself. It was my interpretation of their actions that caused my hurt feelings. It was my own selfish actions that wanted them to stop, to shut them down – exactly what I was accusing them of!
#2 – My complaining and expecting/demanding an unattainable high standard was the cause of the problem, that caused them pain and suffering. It was my own pain and suffering that was coloring my words, and making what I said all the more hurtful.
As I go forward, I am looking at what I can do today, and to develop new patterns that will prevent these defects from returning. Instead of pointing out errors of others, I can accept that what they are doing is to the very best of their abilities, and allow them to do what they do best without complaint. It is not my job to fix anyone, including myself. Acceptance of my Higher Power’s will for myself, and allow the same for all those around me, will improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power.
As a result of working the Steps on this issue, I have learned that people who truly care for me, might be trying to protect me from myself when they see me causing harm to myself and to those around me. Resentments are not useful, and do not serve the greater good in this situation, or any other issue that might arise. Rather, relying upon a loving God (of my own understanding) will help navigate me through life’s situations, protecting me from causing further harm, and teaching me a better way to be in this world.
– Submitted by Anonymous
Click Here for this Resource: If you want to try 12-Stepping a problem yourself, try using this document from OA.org. “This writing exercise is an approach using the Twelve Steps of OA to deal with life’s challenges without turning to food. Enhance your recovery by using this document individually or as the focus of a workshop.”
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