“Fat was only the physical manifestation of the cocoon I had built
– Voices of Recovery, p. 229, {August 16th}
to isolate myself from the pain of living.”
Years spent stuck in the mire of this disease I focused entirely on food, how I looked, controlling my weight – Desperate to look a certain way so that my life could start again! Convinced that this would solve all my problems. I was sure that everything would be okay if only I could lose the weight that had isolated me from my life.
I have suffered a great deal of abuse in my lifetime, growing up in a highly dysfunctional, alcoholic home, and other trauma events. I had continued to harbour the pain, the fear, and the anger I experienced from my abusers deep within, which only perpetuated the suffering. It was as if I was abusing myself over and over again, every single day.
The cocoon I built, both emotionally and physically, was an attempt to save myself from the abuse I had experienced, but most importantly, I was trying to save myself from myself! If I could stop ‘feeling’ this pain, numbing myself to this incessant abuse, maybe I would feel better about myself. Of course, that only led me deeper and deeper into the pain, and the isolation of this disease.
When I came to OA, I learned that I could relinquish this cocoon of self-loathing and pain. Program gave me a tried and tested way of dealing with these feelings so that I didn’t have to eat over them anymore. When I finally gave up control over how I was eating, or even, how I felt, I could then place my trust in something greater than myself, in my Higher Power.
Today, a loving power holds me dearly. I can live my life with a plan of action that allows me to feel discomfort without having to eat over it. I have an abstinence that holds me steady as my Higher Power guides me.
– Inspired by Voices of Recovery, p. 229, {August 16th}
Submitted by: Anonymous
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
All Rights Reserved. Voices of Recovery excerpt pg.229 ©2002 Eight Edition c.2017; property of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.
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