In this edition, we are focusing on steps 1, 2 and 3, and newcomers. So it felt only right to ask a newcomer to share their experience with us, and I am so grateful to Sam B from Australia for agreeing to sit down and talk to me. Sam speaks frankly about her past, and also about the struggles she experienced in her early days and weeks in OA. She talked with an openness and honesty that I believe we can all learn from, and I am privileged to be able to bring her story to you today.
Can you start by telling me a bit about your earliest memories of issues with food or weight?
I was in bed, and I have a very clear memory of asking God, praying to God, to wake up skinny. I was definitely a child, and I’m 52 now. I’ve been overweight my whole life, I was called names at primary school. As a teen and young woman, I used my sexuality to attract men and had a lot of sex with them and I’m sure now looking back that was all about trying to be accepted. I remember things like as a young woman hearing things like “she’s got a pretty face, pity about the body.”
How did this develop as you got older?
I think I was in my twenties when I first thought, if I really knuckle down with my willpower on the 1st August, by my birthday at the end of October I can have lost 12kgs (26lbs). So from then on, I had the opportunity every August to decide I was going to do this, fail, and hate on myself again. It went on or years and years. My mother is 83 years old and weighs herself still multiple times a day, every day. She uses language I’ve been good, I’ve been bad, I’ve been naughty around food, so I guess I learned this way of thinking early and it just stayed with me for life.
What brought you to OA?
During the pandemic, actually, was when I had these sort of realisations about what I wanted from my life. The three things that hit me were, I want to properly learn to play a musical instrument; I want to learn how to communicate better; and I want to once and for all lose weight. That was probably the first thing to be honest, not the third. I found myself really interested in watching documentaries about bariatric surgery, especially seeing the doctor supporting people through the preparation for the surgery being straight with them when he could see they hadn’t followed the diet they needed to. He was straight, but also warm. So anyway then I tried cycling the old favourite diets my family have been on; Atkins for a bit, then low carb / high protein / low fat; intermittent fasting then for a while. But then I started taking the fasting to the extreme and was almost getting like a high from this extreme fasting for days in a row. My weight went from around 100kgs (220lbs) to 72kgs (159lbs) and it felt SO good. I was looking in the mirror like, oh there you are! This is you! But I knew I had achieved this through unsustainable methods. I knew I had to start eating “normally”, like not fasting. That was from the end of 2023, and I’ve gained weight progressively ever since. I just felt so terrible, like how have I ended up back here again? I ended up telling a friend how much I was struggling and actually she was the one who recommended OA.
What has changed for you since being in OA?
I know with every part of me that OA is right for me and I am ready for it, I know this because of my reactions during meetings – primarily when I weep while reading. That tells me I’m in the right place. That reaction has lessened over time but as I stay in OA through significant periods like Christmas with family, another layer of my problems and psyche is uncovered and I become undone by the sophistication of OA itself and its ability to touch and change me. In one of the dark times when I first joined OA, I was in this stupor of “what am I doing”, I have to eat, this isn’t a diet, and my mum came out of her room and was so excited because she had hit a certain weight. At 83 she’s still so concerned with that. And it just hit me, this is my mother’s story, too. When I first noticed I’d lost some weight, I thought “I don’t get it. I’m not on a diet, I’m eating properly, and I’m losing weight. It just makes no sense. This program is undoing me.” So in some ways it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done but in other ways, if I’m being honest, it’s also been the hardest.
What were some of the hardest bits for you?
I went into quite a dark, grieving place soon after I started. It lasted around a 2-3 weeks. I think that was due to realisations I was having reflecting on the previous 40 years of my life as a compulsive overeater with the new information I was getting at meetings. At the time I wished someone, anyone warned me about that. I was fortunate to have the desperation, time and space to get through it, but it was unexpected, I felt alone, I didn’t know the program well enough to know how to ask for help, I didn’t know it would lift, I didn’t know that everyone has their own way of doing program – and that probably not everyone experiences that darkness. Other factors in my life also contributed I am sure. I’d like other newcomers to know that so they don’t give up, and that they find help external to OA if needed, find a way to tell friends / family, or look for newcomer focussed meetings with a parking lot / after party so they can ask if what they are going through is normal. I think once I stumbled across that type of meeting, I started to climb out of the darkness.
The other thing is that OA has its own very clearly defined protocols, language, reasons for being, and I found it difficult to understand. I didn’t know how to be in a meeting, like for example that people don’t ask questions during a meeting, or when I SHOULD ask my questions, and felt the newcomer resources didn’t explain basics like that.
What has worked well for you in OA?
I am 52 years old, and I have my own mind – I am doing OA at a pace which works for me best to integrate this new knowledge, to properly understand the concepts and tools and how they apply to me. Step 3 is a clear example of this, I have been on it for about a month. When my sponsor said I can move on to step 4 I didn’t feel I properly understood step 3, so I chose to stay in step 3, especially over Christmas/New Year when I knew I’d be challenged due to family conflict. So finding the right sponsor who supports me this way was really important to me. Also, like I said before trying out different meetings to find the ones that work for you. Like for me I really like the body image focused ones, and the women’s meetings. And finding ones where people stick around after helped me so much as well.
We’ve talked a lot about your experience, and I’ve heard a lot of strength from you; what is your hope today, for your life and your future?
Wow, I thought I’d cry but I didn’t know it would be at this question! My hope is that I keep coming back. I assume that I will because I know how much it is helping me, and I do hope that I keep losing weight. I’m using the OA jargon now but I have already been “relieved” of some of the weight and the madness in my mind, the self-hatred and occupation of thinking about food and being fat. I kind of think we don’t talk a lot in meetings about actually losing weight, which is interesting, but I do hope I lose more weight, because I am not yet at a healthy body weight. It was helpful to see that a healthy body weight was part of the definition of abstinence. I hope I get there.
Interviewer: Lucie H, England
Interviewee: Sam B, Australia
©2026 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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