“Perhaps we didn’t believe that our compulsive eating was a spiritual problem, or we felt God was concerned only with more important matters and expected us to control such a simple thing as our eating.” -The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p15
I struggled in the food for 57 years. I was told endlessly by many, “you really need to lose some weight!”. I tried so many diets and none would work. Oh sure, I would lose some weight, even 100 lbs or so but it would always be put back on and then some. Always. A vicious cycle I could not stop. I felt it was my fault.
I was told it’s all about diet and exercise. Why couldn’t I be one of those success stories? It had to be my fault? Even in expressing my exasperation to a doctor of trying everything and I just didn’t know what to do, I received and incredulous disdain. I guess it was my fault. I felt hopeless. If a doctor couldn’t help, what was I to do? ….and my eating continued.
My eating got worse. To the point where nothing sated the pain I was trying to squelch. My health was deteriorating and I knew death would only be my escape.
I finally conceded to my innermost self that I was a true compulsive eater. I am an addict. I have an allergy of craving and a crazy mind that will always take me back to the food hands down. I am powerless because of it and my life unmanageable. This was the first Step in my recovery. The delusion that I would ever be a normal eater had to be smashed.
In realizing this, knowing of my powerless, I turned to Step 2. There is a Power. It certainly wasn’t any doctor or person here on this earth to help , and I definitely couldn’t do it ….but if I wanted recovery from this dis-ease, my only other alternative was to believe in a Power outside of myself to help me. What else could I do? I exhausted everything else. I had no other choice. I gave a measure of trust and came to believe…
Who would think such a Power such would help me with my eating? but it happened! Amazing!!
I remember early in recovery being told it’s not about the food. It certainly isn’t. I had an 18 inch block from my heart to my head. A spiritual problem. I know if my spiritual fitness wavers, food will come back into play.
I must stay awake.
Inspired by: “Voices of Recovery” January 14th p. 14
Submitted by: Anonymous
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