“Humility… places us neither above nor below other people on some imagined ladder of worth. It places us… on an equal footing with our fellow beings and in harmony with our Higher Power. – The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous – 2nd ed., p.52. C. S. Lewis stated, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less”
Voices of Recovery – Sunday, November 17, 2024 says, “Humility is harmony with my Higher Power and acceptance of who I am at this moment.
When my self-image is low and I’m feeling depressed or “less than,” I separate myself from my Higher Power. In the same way, when my self-image is grandiose, prideful or “better than,” I place distance between my Higher Power and myself.
My Higher Power exists in the vast, colorful space between the black-and-white extremes of depression and pride. In the middle, with my Higher Power, I am free to be the authentic me and feel “a part of.”
Recently I had a 4 ½ day hospital stay via the Emergency Room. When I did my fourth step, pride was not one of the character defects I listed. I have a strong feeling that I need to take another Twelve Steps with my sponsor. I’ve learned over the years that stubborn pride can be destructive. It can manifest as: a refusal to ask for help when needed among many other harmful attributes.
As a youth I was subject to a domineering personality. I was never able to stand up for myself or relate my side of the story. No matter right or wrong, I was always judged negatively. From the frying pan into the fire, I married and had two sons. Though again domineered, I was forced by circumstances to accept the role of director – managing our children, our home and our lifestyle. Thus, I became the ultimate controller picking up the traits of those who once controlled my every word and deed. The behaviors I learned to hate. It became almost impossible for me to accept the help of others. I was always the ‘fixer’. People depended on me. I was the strong person of all trades, being mechanically inclined. I did not go to people; they came to me. Some part of my subconscious took great pride in that fact.
I digress… While in the hospital, I was very ill and had orders not to get out of my hospital bed without assistance. I was to press the nurses’ call button, no matter what. I don’t take orders all that well. Did I mention I was stubborn…I’ve been called ‘pig headed’… an apt label. There was a port -a-potty beside my bed…extremely uncomfortable. Around the third day of hospitalization and after two blood transfusions, I felt much better. I needed to go to the bathroom. I did not want to use the convenience next to my bed. I wanted to go into the bathroom attached to my private room. It was in the wee hours of the morning; all the nurses were active elsewhere. I knew I could get up by myself, handle my IV pole and not bother the overworked and underpaid staff. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. A LOUD alarm went off, scaring me greatly. Nurses came running into the room. Needless to say, my covert operation failed miserably.
That hospital stay was a humbling experience, to say the least. Yesterday I used an electric cart in our local grocery store. I could get close to the banana display, but not quite close enough to reach for a bunch. A lady came from behind me and asked, “Do you need help, dear?” Ever so grateful I asked if she could reach a bunch of bananas for me. She did with a lovely smile. Her actions warmed my stubborn/prideful heart. I thanked my Higher Power profusely as I did the nice lady. I’m learning, one day at a time. I have not reached full harmony with my Higher Power but little by little with His constant help, I’m lowering my defenses and allowing others to help me in many special ways.
Avalon M
source: https://www.oacfi.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/2025-02_newsletter.pdf (P.24)- Photo by Kristine Wook on Unsplash
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