First thing to know about me: I am a life-long compulsive eater.
Second thing to know about me: I like rules! So when I came to OA, I got right to figuring out the rules.
At my first meeting, I knew I was in the right room. The first “rule” I heard, was to go to 6 different meetings before deciding if OA is for you. I like rules. So I followed this one. The next “rule” was, work the steps. But I didn’t understand. The steps didn’t have mini-steps, a specific pathway to recovery. I realised I was missing a “rule” – get a sponsor! So I started asking. For months I asked, and attended meetings, and waited for someone to step in and magically fix the rest. I never attempted to put down the food, I did not attempt to start the steps, and I did not begin attempting to find and connect with a Higher Power.
Eventually, I gave up. And I gave up HARD. I entered the worst year of eating, and indeed the worst year of my life. I hid and lied to eat. I hated everything about myself. Life was meaningless to me, and I believed food was the only thing keeping me from suicide.
When I realised that compulsive eating was destroying my life, not saving it, I attended my second “first” meeting, which was online. It was the beginning of the rest of my life. Over 6 years later, my entire recovery journey has been online, and the majority of it with OA Footsteps. Here are some of the “rules” I have learned:
- Rule 1: There are no rules! What you hear in OA, these are suggestions based on what worked for us: nothing more, nothing less.
- Rule 2: See rule 1! Because it applies to this list, too. These are my lessons, from my experience, and not rules.
- There is no secret or magic route to recovery. Experienced members share what worked for them. I was not being left out of the secret; the path to recovery is found in every share, every piece of literature, every meeting I attend.
- There is no right way to work the steps. There is no WRONG way to work the steps… except not to work them! Ask fellows how they worked the steps. Discuss with your sponsor when you get one. And then get going, any way you can.
- Online meetings can – and often do – have the same friendship and fellowship as in-person meetings. I have friends, real friends, all over the world from participating in OA meetings online.
- When waiting for a sponsor, it might be possible to get a temporary sponsor, or a food sponsor, or simply a fellow who can support in the early days while waiting for a sponsor.
- Sponsors are as unique as I am. That means that not every sponsor fits every sponsee. Deciding to part ways with a sponsor or a sponsee is not an insult, it is a gift.
- The foundation of the program is spiritual. I am not religious. In program, I have come to understand a power greater than myself, and I connect with that power every day. The first day I fail to do this, I risk beginning the long slide back to the disease.
- Not everything said in meetings is true for me. Not everything in this list may be true for you. This is important, because we are a group of sick people. Sometimes, our imperfections can hurt another person. I can choose to take what I like and leave the rest, at every meeting.
- The meeting I think I don’t need to bother turning up to is the one I need the most.
- The best time to work my program is when I feel just fine. The work then will protect me when life gets hard, as it inevitably will do because that’s life.
- Everything I’ve ever thought is “just me”, has been experienced by someone else in these rooms. By sharing my experiences, I am proving that point to someone else without my even knowing it.
- Service commitments have saved me when I’ve been at the biggest risk of drifting away from program. I will never allow myself to have no service commitments, for this reason. Newcomers can do service from day one – just ask. There will be a way you can help, and it will strengthen your recovery in ways you can’t imagine.
- I was ashamed that I was still bingeing when first attending OA meetings. I didn’t need to be. The only requirement for membership in OA is a desire to stop compulsively eating, for good and for all.
- The judgement I fear is almost never there in these rooms. I only discovered this by sharing without shame or hesitation. Every time I brave saying the thing I’m scared to say, it helps.
If you are new to OA, or new to online recovery, I have only one message for you:
KEEP COMING BACK. IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT AND YOU ARE WORTH IT.
And until you believe it, keep coming back anyway. Please, let us love you until you are able to love yourself. I promise, it will be worth it.
Lucie H
©2026 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
Did you enjoy this article? We would encourage our members to use this post, and others like it, at their meetings, or for private reflection. We also encourage you to share this post to other fellows to help the compulsive eater who still suffers. Please let us know if you have an idea for an article or an upcoming theme, or have any questions or suggestions. Email our editorial staff at [email protected].
The experience, strength, and hope expressed in this article, reflect the individual OA members and does not represent OA as a whole. Other OA groups and service bodies are welcome to reprint articles from Experience, Strength & Hope Newsletter without permission. When reprinting from other OA newsletters, be sure to credit the source.
Photo by Ian Barsby on Unsplash
