I thought I had worked the Steps but when I absolutely was honest with myself, I knew I was still holding on to my self will. Holding on to doing it MY way…holding on to the food. Why should I have to give up things everyone else ate…why shouldn’t I be able to eat just a little…… but I couldn’t.
Diets showed me that…even for short time periods, I continued to be drawn back to eat as before…one bite was never enough and over time the all out binges it took me to, was crazy and insane. I had no moderation. I am an addict. When I finally realized that I would never be a normal eater…. Never. Because of that allergy I can not be normal…I knew from experiences of repeated dieting that I couldn’t stop…I knew I needed to SURRENDER EVERYTHING… not only food but my whole life was unmanageable.
If I am an addict… then what exactly am I addicted to? Food? Well hell how can I avoid eating? This was the lie I told myself to not give up the foods that gave me the craving. When I read that my disease is 2-fold. 1. An allergy to the body (that incessant craving that won’t stop with one bite and 2. The obsession of the mind. THE BOTH of them together make me a compulsive eater. IF I do not have foods that creates that allergy…I am not a compulsive eater. Yah… OK…I know I am one…I know I can’t stop so…I had to get honest and find those foods.
So, red foods are explanatory. Yellow foods are the foods I am really unsure of. With those yellow foods I am very cautious in taking a first bite… for if ever I get that feeling of “more” in the first bite…they must be GONE.
NEXT I wrote down my compulsive behaviors. I know some of mine were… eating like a pelican. Eating huge amounts. Eating in front of the TV where i’d gobble things down and then never feel full. I knew then I needed to eat at the table. Take time chewing…slow down my eating…eat off a smaller plate so my plate would look full but wouldn’t have large portions… writing them down helped me write a plan of action on what I needed to do to stop them…my HP showed me them and what to do. Remember this is not ME but my HP showing me…for if “I” could do it… I wouldn’t have a problem. TOTAL reliance on my HP to do for me in everything is needed. In the 3rd step prayer…is there any mention of food? No. Only doing the will of my HP. Period. IF EVER I Struggle…I know I have taken back my will and need to go back to step one. The steps WILL NOT work in the ego…The steps are reliant on my powerlessness and letting go and letting God do for me.
Even with this crazy mind, I can be brought back to the food. Thank God for my HP and the Steps….my only defense against my addiction.
– Melanie B.
©2026 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
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