I am a compulsive overeater. I once ate myself to well over 600 lbs. I told myself I was just an
emotional eater, not a binger, but who was I trying to fool? Who gets to be that size without
binging? Amazing the lies I told myself to remain where I was for 48 years.
Yet something happened in that crazy brain of mine; my overeating turned to extreme restriction
and over exercising. I was so close to making myself throw up at times, but I had fear that my
guts would rip apart after having 80 % of my stomach removed. Crazy eh? The things I did
wasn’t healthy and was killing me, yet there I was, worried about throwing up and how it would
rip my guts apart…pure crazy…yup that’s me! I have a mental twist.
I remember at my lowest weight, looking in the mirror, feeling I needed to lose more weight and
when I saw how I could place my fingers between each rib in my rib cage, horror coursed
through me for a split second…but immediately, I dismissed the thought and convinced myself I
had to do something to get down to that BMI. That imaginary number unattainable because I
never factored in the weight I was carrying due to excess skin. I was obsessed.
Even when folding my clothes one day…size large sleep pants. As I held them up to fold, I looked at them. I thought…”OMG…these are mine…” I convulsively sobbed. I just couldn’t get through my fat head that they were mine. I had a mind/body disconnect of mass proportions.
No matter the obsession and the extremes, I lived in them, whether in overeating or obsessive
restriction/exercise bulimia. I was in a never-ending cycle that was killing me slowly.
I finally realized there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop myself, NOTHING. I tried
everything. Nothing worked. I finally surrendered everything. I was totally powerless and my life
unmanageable and I needed help. Help from a Power outside of myself.
Grateful for the 12 Steps and my Higher Power. I have a new way of living. I can have freedom
from this fat head one day at a time.
-Melanie B
©2026 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
Did you enjoy this article? We would encourage our members to use this post, and others like it, at their meetings, or for private reflection. We also encourage you to share this post to other fellows to help the compulsive eater who still suffers. Please let us know if you have an idea for an article or an upcoming theme, or have any questions or suggestions. Email our editorial staff at [email protected].
The experience, strength, and hope expressed in this article, reflect the individual OA members and does not represent OA as a whole. Other OA groups and service bodies are welcome to reprint articles from Experience, Strength & Hope Newsletter without permission. When reprinting from other OA newsletters, be sure to credit the source.
