“I ceased fighting.”
My sponsor shared those words with me during a particularly tumultuous time, where I was struggling to get past what was going on around me. I wanted to strike out to protect myself from what others chose to believe about me, and the accusations that were being levied. I realized, with her words, that while I am powerless against this disease of compulsive eating, and quite powerless to change anyone else’s words or actions, it was within my own power to stop fighting these unnecessary battles!
It was a simple choice I could make at any moment… in any moment! I didn’t have to argue misinformation, nor did I have to fight the gossipers, or my family, or any pointless expectations placed upon me. While I can share my insights and feelings, I can also step away from any discord that others might wish to create if my opinion differs from their own. Or, better yet, I might stick around to truly listen to what they have to say!
I realized the biggest battle I have fought, perpetually, all my life wasn’t with the rest of the world at all. It was those inner demons I have been in conflict with all along! I have victimized myself more brutally than any abuser. I have been so incredibly cruel to my body, both physically and emotionally. I have shredded my self-confidence, my self-esteem and intellectual well-being. I have isolated myself from all those who could have genuinely loved and cared about me. Nobody has ever treated me as badly, as I have done to myself.
I cease fighting.
Overeaters Anonymous has offered me a hope that there is recovery from my crazy-brain and the insanity I was living. I found a place that offers freedom from the bondage of my irrational way of being, of thinking. It has given me a sense of serenity and purpose, where I am assured that I can be of service to my Higher Power and to all those around me. The guiding principles of this program helped make my path clear, the Steps cleared my path. Actively practicing the perseverance of Step Ten, I could finally hold up that white flag and cry:
I surrender!
Submitted by Anonymous
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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