I have always wanted to believe that being kind is a virtue. I believed it was something I should strive for. Of course, I want to be a nice person, to be liked and accepted by others. This might not be a bad thing, necessarily, but in an effort to be kind, or nice, or liked, or accepted by others, it can too easily justify people-pleasing behaviors that can demoralize my ability to feel good about myself.
I also wanted to believe the best in those around me. It almost felt like I was letting people down if I acknowledged the less-than-pleasant characteristics I might have experienced from them. This likely hearkens back to my childhood, setting aside my own feelings for fear of rejection. Seeking approval and affirmation from others, rather than relying on my own sense of self.
As I grew older, if someone was upset with me, it could literally and utterly crush my sense of self. I found it very difficult to express myself and my own feelings. I struggled to convey that what they were doing was hurtful or bothersome, or simply not enjoyable. My inability to identify my own needs and feelings, which somehow seemed less important, became a case of excessive compromise in every situation in my life. Left unchecked, this way of being only eroded my sense of self and well-being, and left the door wide open for co-dependent situations, and fed entirely into my compulsive eating behaviours.
I am so grateful for this program that encouraged me to look long and hard at my own harmful behaviours and helped me identify traits that caused harm to myself and others. I have come to realized that the consequences of people-pleasing are significant. By working the steps, not only do I come to understand my own role in these situations, but I also discovered a whole new acceptance of myself.
I have also learned to accept all those around us for who they are, rather than who I would want them to be! I can trust my knowledge of a person, their good, bad and everything in between, but more importantly, I can place my trust in Higher Power’s understanding of a person or situation which is beyond anything I could possible know.
Learning to attune myself to what Higher Power would wish for me: The needs of my body, my thoughts, my emotions and my spiritual needs, has been a slow and steady course of learning through this recovery program. Gradually I have begun to find new behaviours and tools to help guide me. Journalling, meditation, and prayer can help bring me back to my own self, and a greater awareness of my feelings and the needs of my body.
This process can help me set healthy boundaries with loved ones and the world around me in general. Going to meetings and talking to my sponsor can help me understand how tangled up in this old behaviour I can find myself. Working the program through the Steps helps clear away the wreckage of my past, and past behaviours that were harmful. I will be forever grateful to this journey and the serenity it provides, one day at a time.
– Anonymous
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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