Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Spiritual Principle: Self-Discipline”
Something I have learned about the Steps is that they teach me everything I need to know about myself; the good, the bad and the ugly; all of it.
In living in the Steps; Steps 1-3 Trust God, Steps 4-9 Clean House, Steps 10-12 Help Others, I am getting to know myself. I learn what needs to change and I am able to make plans of action to be able to change. Yes, my HP shows me what needs to change and then I can make a plan of what I can do, to do better and DO IT! If I don’t, nothing will change and my recovery will be affected. No action = no recovery. My life must be a life of action with my HP or else I will live in the disease and die. That is my only two options.
When I first went through the Steps to learn the process to live by, I came to Step 8, Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. So, I went to my Step 4 and looked it over. I began writing my list. By the time I was done, I had everyone’s name listed there. When I went over my list with my sponsor, she soon opened my eyes. I didn’t need to make amends to everyone. It was for the HARMS I had done to others. In my extreme manner, I felt I owed an amends to EVERYONE. My guilt of all my wrong doings was glaring me in the face. WOW, how humbling it was to see. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. I needed to forgive myself for those things and realize whatever HARMS I have done, is the only amends needed to be done. So, I rewrote my list and then went on to Step 9 to make those amends.
This extreme manner was seen in many areas of my life. I am so grateful for that lesson when doing Step 8. The Spiritual Principle of Self-Discipline driven home. I am a compulsive overeater, I am an extremist, and an addict looking for a feel good. If food isn’t in play, I have to stay awake and aware of this due to the fact I am a ‘feel-good’ person and will look for it anywhere… or I do the exact opposite and want to numb out and feel nothing; I can swing in the extremes. If I do not keep daily connected with my HP, that desire will grow one way or another and my disease will take over.
My first year in abstinence, so many changes were happening in my life. I had to move from my home of 30 plus years because it was falling down around me and the plumbing didn’t work. I never put money into fixing it over the years, because all my money went to food. My husband and I actually had gone through bankruptcy for sum of over 40 some thousand dollars only 2 years before. My life was unmanageable. So, when I went to move into an apartment, I had to downsize. It was then I counted 10 totes of yarn. 10 TOTES!! Who the hell needs 10 totes of yarn??? There, was the extremist in me. In doing an inventory, I knew I needed to downsize.
Today I am cognizant to watch for my feel good of crocheting. I am finding a balance in that part of my life. Oh, I still crochet some, that too has come into balance. That self -discipline in action.
When I pulled out some yarn the other day to crochet a purse for a Hippie dance that I am attending, I smiled at how things used to be and how they are now. I love myself enough through working this program and I am able to live in the principle of Self-Discipline.
So grateful for how living in the Steps has changed my life.
Submitted: Melanie B.
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
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