Self-Discipline

Helped me Combat my Impostor Syndrome

I always thought I was disciplined, but it was mostly about image. How I would look to others – But if they really knew me, they would know what a fake, lazy, and terrible person I am – that was my internal dialogue. Discipline was my way of showing myself, and others, that I was not really the loser I thought I was, deep down. Through the program, I realized that it was all self- will. With no HP, that self-will, that I had named “discipline”, was running wild. Ruthless with my self-talk and ruthless with others when they weren’t doing what I wanted, and I wasn’t getting my way.

I felt like an impostor, riddled with self-doubt, and would redouble my efforts to end up struggling in everything I did. It took some time for my HP to remove this, but in the end it is about doing my HP’s will. “How can I best serve Thee- Thy will (not mine) be done”…”We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.” -AA Big Book p.85. This is my constant reminder that my will power and my self-discipline is now in the service of my HP.

This has resulted in effortless self-discipline that is guided and in the service of my HP. I now love this part of myself, and it has enabled me to accomplish more than I could have ever imagined. Sometimes, I am so disciplined that I need to pause and check-in again with my HP to ensure that I am doing her will. I also need to check myself for image. I have become pretty adept at feeling when it is about image, especially when it comes to service. My ego can, at times, be pretty loud, so it’s important that I stay in “constant conscious contact” with my HP. This can be challenging when I am involved in the bustling energy of daily life. One the best way for me, is to work with a still suffering compulsive eater. It keeps me connected and of service, and it keeps me clean from those behaviors.

-Submitted by Val B

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