Helped me Combat my Impostor Syndrome
I always thought I was disciplined, but it was mostly about image. How I would look to others – But if they really knew me, they would know what a fake, lazy, and terrible person I am – that was my internal dialogue. Discipline was my way of showing myself, and others, that I was not really the loser I thought I was, deep down. Through the program, I realized that it was all self- will. With no HP, that self-will, that I had named “discipline”, was running wild. Ruthless with my self-talk and ruthless with others when they weren’t doing what I wanted, and I wasn’t getting my way.
I felt like an impostor, riddled with self-doubt, and would redouble my efforts to end up struggling in everything I did. It took some time for my HP to remove this, but in the end it is about doing my HP’s will. “How can I best serve Thee- Thy will (not mine) be done”…”We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.” -AA Big Book p.85. This is my constant reminder that my will power and my self-discipline is now in the service of my HP.
This has resulted in effortless self-discipline that is guided and in the service of my HP. I now love this part of myself, and it has enabled me to accomplish more than I could have ever imagined. Sometimes, I am so disciplined that I need to pause and check-in again with my HP to ensure that I am doing her will. I also need to check myself for image. I have become pretty adept at feeling when it is about image, especially when it comes to service. My ego can, at times, be pretty loud, so it’s important that I stay in “constant conscious contact” with my HP. This can be challenging when I am involved in the bustling energy of daily life. One the best way for me, is to work with a still suffering compulsive eater. It keeps me connected and of service, and it keeps me clean from those behaviors.
-Submitted by Val B
Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book,4th Edition, page 85
© 2024 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
All rights reserved
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
Did you enjoy this article? We would encourage our members to use this post, and others like it, at their meetings, or for private reflection. We also encourage you to share this post to other fellows to help the compulsive eater who still suffers. Please let us know if you have an idea for an article or an upcoming theme, or have any questions or suggestions. Email our editorial staff at [email protected].
The experience, strength, and hope expressed in this article, reflect the individual OA members and does not represent OA as a whole. Other OA groups and service bodies are welcome to reprint articles from Experience, Strength & Hope Newsletter without permission. When reprinting from other OA newsletters, be sure to credit the source.
