I was talking to my sponsors about my eagerness to move on to doing the steps and she suggested that we will get to them in time. She was right about me trying to control the process. I am driven by the anxiety of wanting to do this right, to figure it out, to get the most I can out of it, to find answers, to fix what’s wrong.
My urgency to get ahead is also driven by my fear of OA not working, of feeling disenchanted with the program. I am afraid that my enthusiasm will peter out and that I’ll think my involvement with OA is a fad.
Both of these elements are working together. What I do know about myself is that if I have the right support (a sponsor, an eating plan, and the other OA tools) I can keep going even when things are not going well. I work hard because I know things do not come easily to me, and I persevere because I can’t think of any other way to move forward.
I get stuck sometimes, like I am with my writing, but I followed my friend’s advice to stop putting pressure on myself and go off to read somewhere and let it go. I read somewhere or maybe I was talking to my sponsor about the need to let things go to keep them. If I want to succeed in OA, I have to stop obsessing about how to do it well. I have to let go, so I can come back to it with a more realistic approach.
SOURCE: Anonymous
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