One of the questions I’m asked by believers is how they should sponsor an atheist. The question is a little like asking how to sponsor a Spaniard. My answer would be, “Speak their language!” in both cases. Fortunately, it doesn’t take nearly as long to learn your atheist sponsee’s language as might take to learn Spanish.
To you, believer, it may seem like there is a chasm between you and me. To me, it seems like we’re all human, built on the human pattern, suffering from the same compulsion, doing the same work and getting free by the same process of human growth and maturation. Our concepts differ, but our actions might be quite similar. The words we use to describe the change in our lives might be very different while the change itself is (from what I’ve seen) remarkably similar.
For example, we all need to stop trying to manage and control our eating using methods that have already failed us in the past. This frees us to go looking for answers in new directions that we can’t foresee, and then aligning ourselves with the powers that underlie human growth and maturation. One person might imagine kneeling before a king, ready to take instruction. To another it might feel like launching a river raft, ready to work with the current that will take them to a better life. A third might commit to nurturing their own social and emotional growth with as much dedication as they used to nurture their children’s physical growth. In all cases, the change in approach is essentially the same, while the concepts that work for one would not work at all for another.
So, I listen to my sponsee and translate my understanding of recovery into the words and concepts they use. I don’t ask them to use my words and concepts, because I’m the senior partner. I accept the responsibility for communicating as part of the role of sponsor. The result is that I stretch and grow with almost every different sponsee. The challenge keeps me engaged and interested. And of course, I come to care.
The only really serious mistake to avoid is trying to convert the person to belief in something they don’t believe in. Trying to convert people is a religious practice, and doesn’t belong in OA. And it is the most likely thing to discourage a non-believer and convince them they don’t belong here. Instead, trust to their higher power, even if you don’t understand it.
- Chia W
©2024 Experience Strength & Hope Newsletter,
All rights reserved. Proudly sponsored by OA Foot Steps VIG #09670.
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