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Neurodiverse and Working My Steps

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I came into the program about 2 years ago. I knew about OA as I had been in another 12 step fellowship for over 40 years. I had been to my doctor for the millionth time, and she asked me “when are you going to stop this overeating cause you are going to die. This is serious! Your cholesterol is too high, and your diabetes is out of control.” I listened as usual and just went about my merry way – How could it be this serious? Finally, in yet another visit, I asked about what would I eat if I went on a diet? She said no, OA is not a diet club. I was intrigued.

I decided to go to a meeting, and I hated it. I hated all of the rules – You couldn’t share, you couldn’t cross talk, and so on. So, I tried to do it my way, and of course had a slip. I decided to go back. I joined an Intergroup and I felt that these people were stuffy and clicky, and I was not connecting. I wasn’t comfortable with the God thing. I also wasn’t comfortable with my neurodiversity being open in a meeting and people being able to see it.

Someone suggested this 3 am meeting, and I thought who gets up at 3 am to go to an OA meeting? That’s insane!

Then someone suggested this 3 am meeting, and I thought who gets up at 3 am to go to an OA meeting? That’s insane! I found myself not sleeping one night and decided to go. I fell madly in love. I thought this is the Intergroup for me. They are friendly, they are outgoing, and they are welcoming. I felt at home in this 3 am meeting. I felt that I could say anything to them and it would be ok. I decided that I would join and make it my home group. And I did. I started doing service. I started doing the security and waiting room, and loved it. I later joined the committee, and I have been in it ever since. I love that committee and we do a lot of good things behind the scene. 

I also got the meetings list of OAFS and started to try a lot of different meetings. There are so many kinds of meetings, and I joined all sorts of different groups. 

I started working the steps with a sponsor, who oddly enough was from my old Intergroup. I liked her, she didn’t mind that I called my HP “my HP” instead of God, and she didn’t mind my neurodiversity. It is very challenging as she makes me work the program in depth, and we meet once a week on a zoom call. I got through Steps 1-3, eventhough I got a little troubled in step 3 with the God thing. We found a way through it that worked for me. Then the 4th step, while not that long, had a lot painful things with which I had to deal. My sponsor was very nice and took me through it very gently. I felt lucky that she was so gentle and understanding. I went all the way to Step 9 without much trouble. And then, I had trouble with Step 9 because there was a woman my sponsor wanted me to keep on the list, and I didn’t want anything to do with that woman. I didn’t want to invite her back into my life which she would be assuming I would be doing, if I put her on the list. To this day, she is not on the list. In the future, this may change. Then, I went on to 10, 11 & 12 and had a hard time again in Step 11 because of the God business. I was able to go around it and find a place that I liked and was comfortable with. 

I choose to call my HP, my HP. I don’t know about God and that’s ok. I don’t have to know. I just know there is power greater than myself and it’s not me. I am now sponsoring people. It’s going well and my sponsor helps me with my sponsees. I have had a couple of sponsees leave suddenly. They don’t tell me why and that’s ok. Sometimes, things don’t work out. My cholesterol is down, my type 2 diabetes has actually improved and I was able to get off my medication.

-LJ

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